I Thought I’d left before… & What is the meaning of ex-BK?

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I Thought I’d left before… & What is the meaning of ex-BK? - posted by: flipper on May 8, 2005

Greetings! Now I can firmly consider myself to be an ex BK. Before, I was just angry with the BK famil and quietly left. My faith in Baba (Dada Lekhraj) was fainter but still, quietly within, I thought I will return and gain my place, albeit number wise, in the Golden Age! For years, as this” lapsed-brahmin” I put on hold so much; believing myself to be a failure, unable to commit to God, had lost interest in th “real world”. When suddenly, against the odds, I became a mother, and it has changed my life Discovering this site has felt empowering. I love to read the articles. Previously, I thought all ex-BK’s became invisible, fade away. Good to see so many beautiful souls having got their heads back!

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Now I have more clarity, I had allowed myself to be brainwashed. I used the BK web to support my weaknesses, albeit on a subtle level - i.e. celibacy, because of poor body image. A pure diet because I had a long term eating disorder, liked to control too much what I ate. Being superior, the chosen few, because I guess I was a snob and had an inferiority complex. I was able to distance myself quickly from “lokiks” because I came from a dysfunctional family and was a bit of a social misfit anyway. The lure of the Golden Age, surely life gets better on this planet.

On meeting BapDada in Madhuban, I secretly felt this is not God. For me, it was a holy ghost, Dada Lekhraj returning to meet all his obedient children. On returning to Slough, my path changed. However, I was still caught up in it for 15 years! Although not practicing, it was still inside my head. I still feel new in coming out

I feel like confronting the “family” in Slough, have yet to hand back my ring and still have a framed photo of Brahma Baba. I guess there may still be a lurking fear that I have got it all wrong, and on entering the centre I’ll feel home again.

This is a great forum and, having recently discovered it, I feel it’s a valuable tool in my process of being truly an ex-BK.

Administrator inserted note:

* These two posts are separated by the elipses ... but have been counted as one, because they were both made by flipper, on the same day, and are along the same lines.