Positive experience of joining the PBKs

[aimée]

Dear everyone,

THIS IS AN OLD LETTER I WANTED TO WRITE IN THE ex-BK CHAT BUT NEVER MANAGED TO BECAUSE I ARRIVED TOO LATE AND AS A PBK. I AM SO HAPPY TO BE ABLE TO READ FROM OTHERS AND SHARE. THIS WEB SITE IS GREAT NEWS! PLEASE BE FORGIVING WITH MY MISTAKES, English IS NOT MY NATIVE LANGUAGE ... AIMEE

I have wanted for a long time to share my story and spiritual discoveries that made me change so radically these last months.

I had been a BK since Christmas/New year 2000; it is a date and an event I cannot forget. Like probably all the new born BKs, I felt that was it, I found what I had looking for all my life. A treasure of love, sweetness, knowledge, filled this too empty heart, healed so many wounds, and helped me to change drastically. This time was precious, and necessary to build up a foundation on my spiritual journey.

When the period of honeymoon is gone, we usually say that is when Baba believes we are strong enough to let go of our hand. We have then to make ourselves stronger and discover our own resources. This is a period, compared to the honeymoon, which can feel more like crossing a desert. So this is supposed to happen, as a natural process. I personally was so desperate to be a good student that I relied too much on other’s opinions, and I lacked the power to discriminate between the principles taught by God and what other brother and sisters told me/us it was the right way to think/act. Mainly, when I was rebelling against some attitudes, or a certain order in the family relationship, I used to shut these thoughts up and think this was my ego.

I reached a point (the self had been repressed for too long) when I thought I was becoming mad, did not know what was happening, was crying every day. There were a few very sweet souls to help me, I wrote a desperate card to a Senior Sister I always admired for her humility and clarity. I said in it that I felt I was dying, but I never received any response or acknowledgment. It is at that time I got to know about advance knowledge. I recognised instantly that I was reaching something crucial. Then there was a switch in my mind, a feeling of relief and freedom. I was not crazy after all, I was just a free spirit, meaning listening only to the one who can give advice, because he is beyond judgment, loving, and knows exactly what I need to hear. Because I did not depend on anyone else, I became so strong, and happy. I did not mind defamation, loosing the support of the BK family, and excommunication, because I knew I found truth.

So mainly the idea is not that on one side there are baddies (the BKs or the “Shankar Party”, according to the point of view), and the other side the good ones. Unfortunately too many brother and sisters, on both sides, think this is the case. We really need to try to go beyond, as Baba does. When this world starts to become a real chaos, it is time for God to act. So, as it is logical to think, God is the main Character, or better speaking, the director. He acts first through the mother, and when the task of the mother is over, when she has given her share amount of love, it is the turn for the Father to come, and give education and inheritance to the children. Krishna and Ram both have a crucial role, the hero and heroine of the world drama. I will always keep in my heart all the love Krishna gave me, and he still has a role (different) now, in the Advance Party.

I went recently to a BK public talk in town. I was happy to see again my brother and sisters. I appreciated the genuine warm welcome of some of them. At the end of the talk, the sister who had presented the talk came back to close the session. She told the public that then it was up to them, they decided on the path they wanted to choose and the life they decided to lead. This message was discretely but obviously directed to me by my sweet sister! I would like to tell her and the souls who doubt about what I am doing, that I have never felt so certain about my path, even more than when I discovered the Brahma Kumaris. The knowledge I am studying (still the Murli but taking in consideration all what is said) is very interesting, and there is no end to it. Although I still consider dharna to be a crucial part of my life, it is the knowledge that helps constructing me as a complete spiritual being. The Murli is the sacred Godly knowledge, and it is transgression to cut it (it used to take around 6 pages 20 years ago!), or add to it (essence, slogan, etc.) to influence the students personal churning.

I have a lot of love for my family as a whole, I feel sometimes hopeless, because this advance knowledge is hidden from most of my brother and sisters. At least if they were given the opportunity to see and decide for themselves. Who knows that we are doing the shooting for the broad drama, and that all what is happening now within the family will happen and has happened in the outer world? The control of the church over the believers ... and the same manipulation happening in other religious branches, that is the direct influence of what is happening in the family. But this is drama ...

With love to all my brother and sisters, BK, PBK, ex-BK.
Aimée

[pbktrinityshiva]

Thankyou Aimée for sharing your wonderful experiences. I hope to hear more from you.

Om Shanti & Best Wishes
PBK TrinityShiva :mrgreen:

[aimée]

Since then a lot of things have happened, and a marvellous relationship is being established with Baba. This is not an easy path, because it is like the homeopathic medicine: to get rid of the bad sanskars, they sprout out sometimes in a very strong an unpleasant way. But we are the knights of all the old fairy tales, we held courageously constant battles with Maya and will of course be victorious at the end, who has never heard about a fairy tale with a bad ending?

Aimée

[atma]

Bhen,

Yes, I recall in a conversation with ShivBaba and other PBKs that sometimes one needs to take some bitter medicine/herbs to get better. It is very fascinating to me the whole idea of accounts and the settling of them.

Of course, thruough Yaad and pota mail much of ones troubles can be relieved.

atma

[raviraj]

We used to have a thread called "Why I left Gyan" or "Why I left the BKWSU". I think it would be good for you to do so in the PBK world and, for example, share your experiences Atma in the same manner. That way, when someone that was in your position reads it, they will say, "I feel like that too!" and be encouraged to question and move on. Please start it

The experience is now blurred. But to explain in brief ... I accidentally happened to take the basic knowledge in 1999. I was in my 15th year, but the knowledge had left such an indelible impression on my mind; the school books and comics began to seem so dry and fading. Reading only Baba’s books brought from the center was like exploring my inner sweetness. I began to have this deep feeling that 'God Loves Me' and he had been very kind; but at the same time, I had so much love for Brahma Baba. He was so fragile to me that I used to make a sketch of him; kept his photo in my pocket, even in the school days and sometimes going to a Jagdol Hill overlooking the valley and relating everything to spirituality. Though at some sides, I don’t know why but I always felt, ‘I’m a very impure soul, and weak.’ However, those were the childish years in Gyan.

But with the gradual span of time, many things happened in my life. I knew I was slowly moving away from Gyan because I was more concerned about getting some work as I crossed my teenage. And for some years, it was like being just a worldly person; no meditation, no more Murlis. But again, as I was coming across people’s brutality, their tendencies and my own tendencies, I began to value the knowledge of God again. It felt, Only He is true and the rest are all liars. I started to believe His words more strongly than ever. The Mandir parades also helped me to remember my spiritual days, although I never liked to attend the parade.

And on 24th Nov 04', as I was tiredly looking for bk websites, I happened to click http://www.advance-party.com. No sooner had I read the first page of the site than my heart began to pump fast. Really! ... I was so thrilled to know that God is still in person. I read the site twice, thrice, everything. Day after day, the intoxication was at its peak. I even reached a point, where I had thought of leaving my work, my family, pack up kits and going there for the rest of my life because it felt like now death is hovering all over the world…. 'Heard enough, seen enough… now I have to go there, feel myself and justify myself.'

And some of the beautiful songs would often make me weep passionately, feeling 'How much' ShivBaba loves his childeren ... drowning in the ocean of love. And sometimes a thought would come that maybe ShivBaba had listened to what my heart had been longing ... to meet him in corporeal, even if it's through BrahmaBaba. Finally, I had managed my 10 days in India and that became the most important 10 days of my life and no one knew it.

And the life after bhatii will never be the same. Though we experience our stage being up and down, but it feels like Baba is there cleansing our soul continuously.

Dear bk brothers and sisters, let's understand it with our heart and conscience ... our ShivBaba has come. How could He leave us without making New World for his children? We must have so much love for our Baba who has come for us. This is the season of Sangaumyug, a season to sow our seed. we must meet our Father before it's too late. All of us have become so crooked, so weak ... so tired.

[button slammer]

but more curious as to what the main objective PBKs take away from their learning and bhatti in Kampil. What type of experiences and insights and feelings.

... above quote from Bansy in 'Remembering ShivBaba in Virendra Dev Dixit'

I went to Kampil to undertake the 'Advance Course' in 2001. Why?
I took the 'basic ' course in 1988. Why?

I was in my late twenties. At the time living rough, on the streets of my home town, a large industrial city in Northern England. I was fast approaching a state of mental and soon to follow physical dissolution. For the last 15 years I had undergone increasing levels of mental stress, depression, and alienation combined with acute paranoia. How on earth I had survived without going completely mad ... But I had lost friends, my partner, children, my home, education ... and it was now winter. Living under flyovers, and tunnels in the underpass. It was where I read 'The Glass Bead Game' by the glare of streetlights tucked up in my sleeping bag on a pile of cardboard. I took showers at the univerity campus. Some friend who I had n't seen for months (an Iraqi guy,karate instructor) commented, honestly. 'You look terrible, your face is so dark. You don't look well'. These were the comments I was trying to get away from. In every situation I expected the same kind of observations. However, I knew I had a certain something about my self that attracted others. There had allways been a feeling of waiting and watching, and in the meantime making friends. I remember for about 5-7 yrs all I'd been interested in was 'Leaving the body' or 'getting out of the body' it was the only thing that had been of any real interest for a long time. If anyone gave any hints of being 'out there' I would make them into friends and hang out.

For years I thought smoking dope would do it. Bong after bong, pipe after pipe, spliff after spliff. Nothing really happened, just got really stoned. So I tried acid. I just tripped out, had a freaky time and came head on to THE BOMB, my mind became like some supercomputer, running programmes into the future searching for some kind of light of hope, but all was darkness, only to be illuminated by atomic blasts on the horizon. Dead end after dead end . Next came mushrooms. They were entertaining untill they showed my inner demons/fears/hangups/ and complexes revealed in glorious gut wrenching spasmodic waves of fear and loathing. God how I hated myself and envied others. Everyone else seemed so solid.

I became a nervous wreck. I found solace in the I-Ching. It came accross, as a friendly wise voice giving spiritual counsel and practicle advice. I had two worlds going on. My inner world that was a turmoil of doubt and uncertainty,and my outer world which I was barely able to hold together. Major cracks were forming. In the meantime I stumbled along. Travelling, festivals, camping, hanging out with friends ... but all that was coming to an end. I was in a relationship 24/7, for several years. I genuinely loved my partner and and my partner loved me. Relationships have a way of bringing things to a head. As I became weaker I felt unable to stand my ground. Although I was going a bit mad people still liked me just enough to give me space. One or two friends told me in uncertain terms to 'clear off, I've seen your face too much around here'... etc. I did not take too much notice, part of me was upset. Another part was just watching and did not really give a damn. But it was still another crack in the dam. Where to go,what to do? There was no plan. Just a feeling of the world closing in. As my relationships came apart, there began a period of getting very drunk. I wound in up in all kinds of savoury and unsavoury places around the town. I attacked inanimate objects, set fire to things, had hardly any clothes at one point, dressed in all kinds of odds and ends. Sometimes I'd charge at police and run away. Luckily, they never caught me.

It wasn't all bad though. Many nights I'd play flute into the early morning, recording tunes, smoking hash. Or drawing, painting. (I am a talented artist). These are the moments I was able to concentrate and become 'bodiless'. I would create mandalas, celtic knotwork, stained glass windows. I could sketch from nature, and my imagination. There was one thing in my artwork though, which was 'what is the true fountain of inspiration that an artist draws upon'? That was a subject that I realised was lacking in my work and surely enough my creativity dried up, as the inner tension increased ... I finally left home things had become unbearable for my partner, I was doing the relationship harm, others were moving in ... the sharks were circling..

A plan was forming in my mind to leave my home town and become a wonderer. Just playing music along the way for company. Just one thing was lacking, something to think about whilst travelling from town to town. In a local vegetarian cafe I saw a poster. 'Raja Yoga, an ancient knowledge for the New Age ... blah blah' I knew internally that it was what was what I needed to find out about, meditation and all that stuff. I realised the people I had been living with were not really the meditational kind (whatever they were). It was my chance to find out without anybody interfering in what I wanted to do. So I went to the talk that evening ...

A small room in a meeting hall. Half a dozen people. Two or three middle aged women, a couple of younger women, some guy sat up front. Five minutes of silence to get things started. Then 'Om Shanti'. Game over. The 1st thing I was asked 'where is the location of the soul'? I thought the heart. The middle age ladies are pointing to the center of the forehead ' the soul is situated here, it is the third eye of knowledge'... 'Jeez'. I thought 'how come these purple rinse dears know all this deep stuff '? The next thing. 'The soul can become pure by connecting with the Supreme Soul' As these words were mentioned I could 'see'my soul somehow bathing in a cascading waterfall of purity.

PURITY!!! That was it. PURITY!!! It was purity that I wanted more than anything. I never even knew it existed. I knew straight away that purity whatever that was, was for me. Towards the end of the talk I spontaneously stood up and proclaimed ' This knowledge will change the world!, this knowledge should be taught in schools, homes everywhere!! ... everone should know about the knowledge of the soul ... !!!'

Now I had to wait another week in my hometown for the next lesson. Introduction to the Supreme Soul. In the meantime I got a room to rent in a house full of music students.
I definately got a boost of confidence from the 1st lesson. From that moment on I stopped worrying. The curse had been lifted.

If the curse had been lifted by the 1st lesson then it was well and truely removed without a shadow of a doubt by the 2nd talk. 'Introduction to the Supreme Soul' As I entered the room there was a slight buzz of exitement in the air. The room was full. I recognised one or two from last week. A few minuits silence a little chit chat and then ...'I willnow play a meditation commentary, relax and go with it ... New Age music ... I am a soul, not this physical costume ... etc As the commentary continued I began to hear a tremendous booming noise. I looked around. No-one else could hear it. It was deafening BOOM!! BOOM!! B00M!!!! It was coming from inside me. BOOM!! BOOM!! BOOM!! Then I kind of looked inside my chest, it was like a huge drum, dark and booming. Then I could hear the commentary, 'beyond the moon, the sun and the stars is ourhome the Soul World.' ... Another allmighty BOOM!! or two and I was hurtled accross the universe with what seemed like a fleet of spaceships, we flew in formation past all the galaxies to the outer rim of space ... as we approached the edge of space the darkness began to thin out rather like the dawn of a new day. Then I entered a world of golden light ... I had no body ... but I was aware ... light as a feather in a golden universe ... then in the distance was something rotating and giving out vibrations of pure energy ... I could hear the meditation commentary... 'and this is ShivBaba the Ocean of Love ... at that moment this being in this golden world hurtled towards me ... it was like several universes opening up all at once with beautiful indescribable feelings of warmth, love bliss, a satuaration of realisation, of recognition ... this being knew me.

This went on for some time, in the background the commentary came back down to earth.

I remained focussed on the blissfull ,bodiless being radiating love and peace to me ... it was superimposed now over the room, the corporeal world began to materialise ... in the background I could hear opera singers singing music scales ... The teacher turned off the cassette.

'Anybody have any questions'? I smiled to myself. All my questions had just been answered

This was the beginning of my 'basic' knowledge ... to be continued.

[raviraj]

Dear ruhani souls,

Just recently I again had my wonderful times in India with my brother and luckily we had an opportunity to meet Baba also. But I was little desperate because of my unusual meeting experience with Baba before. I feared I may again have inferiority complex and whether or not that soul would come into me again. These thoughts were bothering me so much, but surprisingly the meeting turned out to be so nice and warm ... all of my shyness was gone. When I saw Baba smiling as he approached to us, my reaction was spontaneous. My brother and I together touched his shoulder tenderly and gave a compliment. I was very happy that Baba dealt with it so lovefully.

The temptation to feel him closely was so intense that when the questions answer session was over, I couldn’t help myself and asked him, “Baba could I massage your foot?” He knew that I wanted to show my love to him; so, Baba replied instantly, ”... can do anything.” That moment, he just seemed so adorable with his nirakari stage. I could understand that Baba was making himself available to his children's wish. Later when it was time for Baba to leave, we came out with him. It was dusk outside; I immediately grabbed this opportunity and held Baba’s hand so that I could guide him to his vehicle. It was a feeling of being his grandson at that time. And before Baba was to sit in the vehicle, I asked him again that I want to hug him. He opened his arms wide and hugged me tightly and my brother too. And then Baba sat in the vehicle, ready to go. I was so overflown by this that I clutched his cheeks with my palm, like a person does to his baby. Baba’s smile said that however it was time to leave. And he disappeared from our sight as the vehicle left us.

That was the second corporeal meeting experience, quite contrasting from the previous one. My subtle sensation with Baba before used to be delicate, very much childish, divine and full of feelings due to which his stage would appear so strict and enraging to me. But now I feel the bond is becoming more deep and rigid, much more practical. It is making sense; this thought complies my feelings with his stage.

[arjun]

Dear all,
Om Shanti and thanks for sharing with us your personal experiences and intimate moments with ShivBaba (through Baba Virendra Dev Dixit).
Regards,
OGS,
Arjun

[aimée]

Thank you for sharing your experiences, it is so touching and practical. An insight that can give more impact than knowledge ... waiting for the next episode(s) ...